Smile

Saturday, October 03, 2009

im waiting for a day that i could sing this song and mean what i'd sing.

great song.

David Cook - The time of my life

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it until I let go
Gave into love
And watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
Keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide,
Face to the sun .

1:53:00 AM ; smile'

Monday, September 21, 2009

i watched kids play today.

and i envy them. i really do.

not as if i wasnt a kid before.

but kids. they are really carefree.

parents they carry the responsibilities of the kid's studies.

and except studying, what else does the kid have to be concerned about?

if the money earned will be enough for a living? no.

insurance? no.

marriage? no.

studies? no.

gosh.

i used to like growing up because then im free to earn and spend my own money.

but then i realised, it didn't work like that at all.

the older i grow, the more tied down i am.

guess i wasn't that mature after all.

it may sound childish.

but i'd like to say, i wish im still a kid.

im tired.

im tired of life now.

i'm so tired of being here.

suppressed by all my childish fears.

i would give the very breath from my chest.

to give you all the things my mind couldn't bear.

11:58:00 PM ; smile'

Saturday, September 19, 2009

we all have our fair share of mistakes.

but then someone will judge us with a look or with words.

how i wish i could say, stop judging me.

why must you judge me by your expectations?

and then again, why must i live up to your expectations?

i don't look like i have any obligation to live in your judgement.

11:04:00 PM ; smile'

Monday, August 24, 2009

so i feel like blogging today.
the moon is superbly pretty tonight.
it was yellowish the first time i looked.
the second time was fiery orange already.
beautiful lor.
God's creation. its more than beautiful.
lol.

i met someone with pretty eyes today.
no wait.
i noticed his pretty eyes today.
i met him awhile back in work.
okay it was just mesmerizing to look in his eyes.
like i can stare at it forever and never get tired of it.
sounds like he's some hallucinating joker.
but his eyes were pretty.
although not the only one i saw with pretty eyes.
i've seen eyes that talks.
amazing thing.
and im still in love with the guy whose eyes talk.
so if one day i tell you your eyes can talk, be sure to not ask me why, and know that you're the one. LOL.

played dota with derek, ken, ongnei ytd.
haha it was a fun game cuz i dun have to do anything.
they did all the killing.
i did all the dying?
lol no la. i wasnt that bad.
i can only kill creeps and towers. LOL.
yea i was that bad.
haha. anyway. i kinda paused the game for a while and they were evil cuz they talked about me when i was gone for awhile.
"eh where qc go ah."
"i think she dunnoe how to play. she go read the guide alr."
lol?
hahaha. anyway the first game was unsuccessful.
cuz i have no idea ken chose AXE. and i wanted AXE but i chose SNIPER by habit. then i go repick. and then i realised i cant use AXE and SNIPER anymore.
so i watched them play awhile and they kept asking.
"eh why qc go ms?"
"eh qc where you?"
"where sniper?"
"eh i lvl 4 alr qc still ms ah."
hahahha.
eventually someone lagged la. so it was 3 v 5. then they recreated a game.
so they ask me wad happened.
and i told them.
ken: "then why you dun wan choose other characters?!?!"
me: "very funny i only know how to play 2 char where got others to choose from."
._.

so we played the second game.
and it was fun. like really.
okay la more of relaxing game.
of course since i dun have to do alot of things. except killing creeps and running away.
lol.

....

and guess wad.
i wanna sing from where you are by lifehouse right now.

11:37:00 PM ; smile'

Thursday, August 20, 2009

yea its been 2 years. but so what?
i dare not say i know everything and anything about him.
i dare not say that i like him and YET not knowing everything about his lifestyle or the things that he love doing.
cuz when i say 'i like you', i want to mean it.
cuz when i say 'i like you', i want to mean 'i like you for who you are.'

so i dun dare to say it, cuz i dun think i've discover much enough.
but one day, when there's nothing left to discover, i'll probably say 'iloveyou' instead of 'ilikeyou' anymore.
cuz honestly?
i'd most likely just accept anything of you.

i've worked hard for this.
seeing results makes me happier.
im not saying i deserved it.
but just that if things turn out badly at the end of the day, i'd say 'hey at least i tried.'
because its important, thats why there wouldn't be any loss.

its just gonna be hidden deep down for now.
or just out of sight.
cuz im not ready to commit.
so, no.

1:04:00 AM ; smile'

Thursday, August 06, 2009

***WARNING. THIS IS A RANTING POST. ***

i think i love college life more than now.
i think i liked him better in college.
but whatever, i still like him now.

and who was the one who said to adapt to changes quickly. i didnt.

i.am. confused. very. extremely.
even after 2 years of friendship, im confused.
maybe because im dumb enough to miss the hints/shoutouts. i really am.
or maybe because i liked him too much to think that these hints/shoutouts even existed.
or maybe they are just co-incidences.
i don't know.
i really don't.
because according to ken, i think alot but i dun think deep. hahs. =X

and i know how it feels to realise that the person liked you after you stopped liking him. thats the most wasted thing on earth man. and it makes me frustrated you know.
but a nice thing to know is that, i haven stopped liking him.
and if he really liked me, im worried that he stopped liking me.

i think he knows.
that im not myself with him.
well most of the times not at least. there have been some improvement lately.
which is great. haha.

i actually didnt mind liking someone secretly you know. but i cant stand the fact that there's this possibility of maybe-ness hanging around.
its all or nothing at all.
then what about the make or break situation?
when asking a simple question like have you ever liked me before?
can make or break a friendship.
if i'd ever do that, i'll dig a hole straight after asking.
cuz i dun wanna see it break into pieces.

how about the differences? so much of them i cant count.
so different.
i think it got amplified.
by something called life.
the differences were enlarged, at least to me.

i dreamt of him today.
and in my dream,
he was him.
his beautiful soul.

i know he's nice and warm.
even if he seemed cold on the outside.
i know he's emotional,
even if he might be emotion-less on the outside.
i know he's everything nice,
even if he might not seem to be.

i just know it.
i know that deep down inside,
he was dazzling.
just that no one discovered him yet.

how i wish i could, but its not for me to decide.

so stop my misery please?
help me thru this project called mission _____ likes me or not.
even if i was to find out thru the faster way which is, to ask him.
which is most likely 2% make, 98% break.
i probably would ask.

and guess what.
i think i'll continue to like him even though he might not.
cuz there's this thing about him that attracts, so much that i cant tear away even if i try.
maybe i should try harder. but i'll only do that when i decided to not like him anymore.
which would most likely be quite awhile more.

i wish many things.
but i wish most that i could tell you how i felt.
about being a sunshine and a cupcake.
about how i regret.
about how miserable some times were.
about how dumb i am.

im outta here.

if i had my way, i would not get over you.
i don't wanna fall to pieces.
i just wanna sit and stare at you.

11:29:00 PM ; smile'

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Tuesday had been mean to me.

uber mean.
uber uber mean.
hai. wadever.

i hope tmr will be kind to me.
or i'll have a phobia of going to work sooner or later.
=X

8:32:00 PM ; smile'